Monday, March 9, 2015

Enduring to the End

We all go through trials.
Sometimes there are trials we can overcome without much stress but sometimes there are trials that last what seems like forever.
Sometimes there are trials where you just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I understand.
I have been going through the hardest trial of my life to date. 
I know some of you are familiar with what is going on with my sister but for those of you who aren’t, my sister has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder.
Long story short, my sister is suicidal.
She has been in and out of rehabilitation centers and psych wards for over a year now. I've received several calls and texts from my sister expressing how much she just wants to die. She doesn't see a purpose in living sometimes. And that instantly brings me to tears. 
It is my biggest fear to wake up one morning and find out my sister committed suicide the night before. 
This is my biggest trial.
I’m not good at letting people help me. 
Partly because I don’t want to seem helpless but mostly because there really isn’t anything that anyone can do or say to make things better.
I’ve never felt more alone and scared.
However, I’ve also never felt the spirit more strongly than I have been able to while enduring this trial.
I know that may seem weird but, for me, enduring this trial has helped to bring me so much closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
It’s helped me to understand more fully the Atonement and how I can use the Atonement in my life every single day.
It’s helped me to learn how important my scripture studies are every single day. Without reading from my scriptures each day, I’d be lost. I find words of comfort in whatever I am reading and I need those words of comfort.
It’s helped to bring me to my knees in prayer every single day. When I kneel down and talk to my Heavenly Father, I can feel His love encircling me and I know that He is listening to me at that very moment.
I realized this week that there has been a theme during my scripture studies this semester: Enduring to the end. No matter what I read each day, enduring to the end pops up either in my studies or in my head.   
Life can be hard but, it’s all part of our journey back home to Heavenly Father. Robert D. Hales once said, “We were not sent by Father in Heaven just to be born. We were sent to endure and return to Him with honor.”
Enduring to the end is NOT easy.
It isn’t supposed to be.
To endure means to suffer patiently.
We were meant to have trials.
We were meant to have temptations.
We were meant to endure through the hard times.
Through these we tend to rely more on our Heavenly Father to help us in whatever way He can. Jesus Christ understands everything we are going through. He has felt all of the pain we have felt. He has suffered everything that we have.
He has endured everything that we have gone through and will ever go through.
He did this for us. 
While sometimes our trials seem unbearable, remember that your Father in Heaven will only give you trials that He KNOWS you can candle. 
When you feel alone and think that nobody understands what you are going through, remember that Jesus Christ DOES.
Heavenly Father will never give us a trial that we cannot endure. 
It may seem like whatever it is you are going through is impossible and you can’t make it through but, Heavenly Father knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what you can and cannot handle. If He sent a trial your way, He knows that you are strong enough to endure it. 
When trials are sent our way, we know that there is something to be learned from them. 
Perhaps sometimes what we are meant to learn is simply that we ARE strong enough to handle whatever He sends our way. 
The scripture I look to most often for comfort is Doctrine and Covenants 84:88. 
It says, “And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”
I love this scripture so much. It reminds me that I am never alone. 
The Spirit is always with me and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will never let me fail. Even through a trial where sometimes I just don’t understand why I need to go through it and where sometimes I don’t have a clue what I am supposed to learn from it, I will never be left alone. 
I have the constant companionship of the ultimate Comforter, the Spirit and sometimes, that is all I need to make it through a hard day.
I know that our Father in Heaven loves each of us. 
He loves us so much that He sent His only son to Earth to die for us. 
I know that Jesus Christ died for each and every one of us. 
I know that He suffered in Gethsemane for me and each of you. 
I know that Jesus Christ loves me and understands the way I am feeling at all times. 
I know that enduring to the end will take patience and it will take strength. 
It may be tough but I know that I am never alone. 
I am comforted daily by the presence of the Spirit in my life and I know that the Spirit is in my heart always. 
I say these things in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, Amen.








Wednesday, October 22, 2014

But the greatest of these is love.

Let me just tell you, from a girl who's family is dealing with some of this and more, that this video hits this topic spot on. 
In the video, Seth talks about his family a little and how they impacted his life. 
"My family they're not doctors. They're not counselors. They're accountants. I'm sure that they felt overwhelmed. 'We aren't qualified to talk about this, we don't know what to say or what to do' but the mere fact that they reached out to me and loved, that is what did it." 
This quote, coming from a man who attempted to take his own life, just gave me hope. 
Yes. We, my family and I, are overwhelmed. Not because we don't want to "deal with this" but overwhelmed because we don't know what to do. We aren't qualified to talk about this or really know what is best for my sister, but we can love her. WE CAN LOVE HER. That is what helped Seth. And I pray to God that it will help my sister as well. 
We are taught to love each other as He loves us. Do we really do this though?
I know that life gets tough and each of us has our own trials but do we reach out to each other and love each other? God loves us so much. He loves us unconditionally. He expects us to love others in that way also. 
Whether it is your mom, your sister, your friend, an acquaintance, or someone you don't like, you should love them. 
We don't know what others are going through. They may or may not tell us something going on in their lives, but we cannot truly know what they are feeling. This makes it sometimes tough for us to reach out and love them because we don't know what they need from us but in reality, all that they really need is love. 
Love is powerful. It has the capability to help change our minds and our hearts to love too. 
Whether someone is going through an immensely difficult time in their life or is struggling with feeling lonely or anything else, love them. That love you encompass them with is powerful. 
While my family and I are struggling to know what we can do to help my sister, the most important thing we can do for her and each other is to love. Not just to say "I love you" but really to love through all of our actions and words. It reassures us that someone is there for you when you need to or want to talk. It reassures us that everything will be okay because we love each other.
Elder M. Russell Ballard says "There is nothing more powerful than the arm of love that can be put around those that are struggling. That doesn't mean that you are going to be able to heal people but saying 'you know, you need a little help'...I say we keep our antennas up, we watch out for each other, we love one another and we leave the judgements to our Heavenly Father and our Lord Jesus Christ who know all things." 
Keep your antenna up this week and watch out for and love the people around you. Sometimes all they need is someone to show them love and support. 

Saturday, October 18, 2014

When life gives you more than you can stand, kneel.

I am currently on Fall Break so I've been able to spend some time at home with my family. Well, most of my family. I'm not going to lie, it's a little weird being home with my sister in treatment right now. Although she is not home, I'm seeing the effect that she has on my family. 
I was home for less than 24 hours when my sister called. My mom answered her phone and without her announcing who called, I immediately knew who it was by my moms reaction. My mom is strong. She's overcome a lot in her life and I know that it's helped to make her the person she is today. The mom she is today. However, when I was watching my mom talk to my sister, I could see how much she is hurting. One of her daughters is dealing with a LOT of stuff right now and she doesn't know what she can do to help her. The best that she can do is be supportive and understanding. The rest is really up to my sister and that's hard for all of us. 
Then there's my dad, the protector. From my point of view, he's doing whatever he can to help my sister. She asked for us to come visit her this weekend so, he dropped whatever his plans were for Sunday. He and I are driving to Chicago tomorrow to see her and support her in whatever way we can. Dad doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve so it's difficult sometimes to see what he is really feeling. With my sister, I just know that he's hurting for her. I think if he could, he would do anything to help take away the pain for her. He doesn't like seeing her like this any more than the rest of us.
Last night, I had the opportunity to talk with my youngest sister about all of this on our drive home from a movie and late night Steak & Shake run. I asked her how she is handling everything going on with our sister. I realized earlier in the evening that mom and dad are doing the best that they can. They're trying to stay strong for our sister but it's taking a lot out of them and I'm not sure that they realize how this is affecting my youngest sister and I. 
Anyways, when I was talking to my youngest sister she told me that sometimes it is frustrating to not know everything going on. For a while she and I didn't know the full story of what was happening until our sister told us the last time the three of us were home together. I know that my youngest sister is strong. But I also know that she is scared. We share this fear. Every morning we wake up scared that our sister ended her life the night before. We talked a little about this. We talked about how we can help her and how we can be supportive to our parents and each other. My heart is breaking for every single person in my family right now. I want to be able to support each and every one but I don't know how. I want to be strong for them but I don't know how to do that. The reality is that none of us really know what more we can do other than love and support her. 
After we got home and went to bed, I began to realize a few things. First, I know that this is a tough situation to be in. I realized just how tough it is when I noticed the effect all of this has on my family. 
Second, I realized that our family is so full of love. In such a difficult situation, we still make sure we express our love for each other. It may be because we're realizing that life can be short and we cannot waste any time sharing our love but regardless, I know that my family loves me and I love them. Knowing that your family loves you is sometimes all you need. 
Finally, I realized that this trial is not only going to make me a stronger and more faithful daughter to my Heavenly Father but, this trial is going to make my whole family stronger and more faithful. I'm not sure they realize it yet but prayer is incredibly powerful. It's a conversation with our Heavenly Father. 
He listens. He knows our hearts. He knows what we need. We simply need to ask for help and courage to get through our trial.
When we humble ourselves and get on our knees and pray to our Heavenly Father, it is a powerful experience. 
I find that when I do this, my prayer is more sincere and comes straight from my heart. There's a good saying that goes "When life gives you more than you can stand, kneel." 
I can promise you that if you are going through a tough time or you are just wanting to thank Him, prayer is the best thing you can do. 
He won't let you fall. He is looking out for you and will help you. Have faith.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

You have INFINITE worth.

There is a lot of pressure from society these days to do so many things. For example to get married at a certain age, to finish college in a certain amount of time, to look and act certain ways. 
Societies standards aren't necessarily the best for us yet, we feel like we aren't good enough when we don't fit into one of these silly standards. 
People around us may fit these standards but you don't HAVE to. Yet, we feel as though we do. So, when we dont fit a standard we compare ourselves to those around us. But why?
I honestly don't know but, I do know that I don't fit societies standards in so many ways. Because I know that I don't, sometimes I get insecure and unsure of my decisions or looks. 
For example I am not a size 2, I'm not dating anyone right now, and I won't be finishing school in the typical four years but rather 7 instead. When I compare myself and my life to other people around me, I don't feel good enough. Who am I supposed to be proving myself to? Definitely not society. Definitely not every one around me. And definitely not my Heavenly Father. 
He already loves me so much. 
I don't need to be a size 2 or graduate this year for Him to love me so why should it matter to me?
I should love myself the way I am and always strive to be better but first I need to truly know what I am worth to Him. 
To understand this I think we must first understand the significance of the Atonement and how much Heavenly Father loves us.  
Heavenly Father sent his son to come to earth and die for us. 
Romans 5:8 says "But God commandeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
1 John 4:10 says "Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Each of these scriptures are from the New Testament and each tells us of the extraordinary love that Heavenly Father has for us. If He didn't love us so much, He wouldn't have sent his Son to die for us. 
Dieter F. Uchtdorf tells us to "Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God's love for you."
That is an incomprehensible love He has for each of us. 
He loved us before we were even born (Jeremiah 1:5).
He loves us unconditionally and wants us to do the same. 
You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
You are a child of God.
He loves you so much more than you can imagine. 
President Thomas S. Monson teaches that "Your Heavenly Father loves you-each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. ...God's love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there. (We Never Walk Alone, Ensign)"
Our Heavenly Father loves us and that is all the matters. Don't worry about if you fit into societies standards, worry about your love for loving Heavenly Father. 
He has infinite love for each of us!
You already have infinite worth. 


Sunday, October 12, 2014

To My Sister

To my sister,

You are so incredibly loved. Not only by me but by our amazing parents, our sweetheart of a baby sister, all of our extended family, people you do not even know, and most definitely by our eternal, perfect Heavenly Father. 

Mom and Dad love you so much my dear sister. They would and are doing all that they can to help you. They want what is best for YOU.

Mom is a super hero. She does so much for each of us, her daughters, that we don't even recognize or think to acknowledge and thank her for everything. Mom loves you more than you could possibly ever realize. She carried you for nine months and loved you more and more each second, minute, hour, and day you grew inside her. She loved you before you were born. 

Dad did too. He and Mom show their love differently but, they love you equally. Dad cares so much about you. He wants to protect you. He wants to help you. He wants to watch you reach your goals. He is proud of you and you should know that. Mom and Dad love you more than you can comprehend. It is not because they "have" to but because you are a part of them and they know you better than just about anyone else.

I love you. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you because it brings me to tears. Even just writing that sentence has resulted in me crying. I remember so many times when we were younger where we fought but I want you to know that those arguments do NOT, in any way at all, mean that I do not love you or want you in my life. I've tried to protect you even when you didn't want to be protected. I've tried to make you hang out with me even when you didn't want to be around me. I've tried to talk to you even when you didn't want to look at me. I did all of this and more because I love you. I want you to be in my life. I want you to know that I am always here for you. I mean that. I am ALWAYS here for you. I'm not going anywhere. I will always be there for you. Even when I move to Idaho, I will only be a phone call, video call, or a text away. 

I'm so lucky to have you as a sister. You are funny. You have me laughing at the ridiculousness of the things you say.  You are honest. You surprise me with the honest truth. As blunt as you may be, I appreciate the honesty when I seek advice from you. You have a confidence that I wish I could duplicate. You are fun to spend time with. You are YOU. I love you so much and I want to make sure you know that. 

Heavenly Father loves you. You know Him as God. Regardless of what you want to call Him, He loves you. He loves you more than anyone can imagine. His love is pure. It is infinite. He does not care what you look like, where you live, what car you drive, or what you major in at school. We are imperfect beings. We make mistakes yet, God loves us perfectly. We are children of God. YOU are a child of God. 

As I am writing this to you, my sister, I am listening to a song called Glorious sung by David Archuleta. I believe that the lyrics of this song are meant for you. The following lyrics are the ones I specifically think are meant for you to hear, read, and know and I will explain why:

There are times when
You might feel aimless
You can't see the places
Where you belong

This means that you may not think that there is a purpose for your life. You may feel like you are clueless to what you are supposed to be doing. You may not know where you belong.

But you will find that
There is a purpose

THERE IS A PURPOSE.

It's been there
Within you all along
And when you're near it
You can almost hear it

You are a child of God. That alone is purpose. He sent you here for a reason. You just have to figure it out. It might not come to you immediately, but it will come. Hold on and try. 

It's like a symphony

A symphony is a LONG piece of music that all comes together with the help of many different sounds. This life is a long journey. It's confusing at times but it'll come together.

Just keep listening
And pretty soon you'll start
To figure out your part

Hold on and try and eventually you'll discover your purpose, your calling, your reason for being here on Earth. 

Everyone plays a piece

This one is simple. Everyone has a purpose. Including YOU.

And there are melodies
In each one of us

We are all different but when we come together, we are better. Every single one of us isdifferent but we are all children of God and He loves us all.

Oh! It's glorious

This life is wonderful. It is glorious.

My dear sister,

I know that you don't think we always care about you or love you. But, I just wanted to tell you how wrong you are. You are one of the most loved people that I know. That love does not go away. We will ALWAYS love you. FOREVER.

I love you. Mom and Dad love you. Our little sister loves you. Our whole family loves you. People you don't even know love you. Heavenly Father loves you.
You are so loved. 

Saturday, October 11, 2014

We Are Family..

Today is Saturday!! That makes me so very happy. I’m having a fantastic day already! I got to sleep in, read my scriptures, edit a friends essays, watch Gilmore Girls, and even study for a midterm coming up on Monday. Tonight I get to scare people at a Haunted Forest! It’s Fall and the leaves are starting to change. Fall break is coming up in less than a week and I am MORE than ready to go home and spend some time with my family. I live about four hours away from school so going home is a rare occasion for me. I haven’t seen them since August and before that it was May!
I like to think that my parents and I have a good relationship and that we are close. Growing up we fought often, mostly my fault, I was a teenager after all. After I moved to Indiana and started college, I missed my parents. I called my mom often and texted my dad. My mom is more talkative and my dad is more of the kind of guy to talk when there is a reason. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to talk, he just usually likes to have a reason, more of the get down to business type. Anyways, after moving to college our relationships grew closer. We still argue once in a while, but it’s more of a rare occasion. I’ve had time to mature and realize how much they love me. This being said, I am beyond excited to go home and have some time with them. After Fall Break I’ll be home in November again for Thanksgiving, then a couple weeks later for Winter Break. I’ll have the privilege to spend almost 3 weeks with my family before moving to Idaho for school. I’ll be gone for 4 months before seeing them for a month in April.

I’m not home often. It’s not because I don’t WANT to be home, but rather because I have so many things I want to do in my life and staying home doesn’t always mean they will get done. This doesn’t mean I love my family any less than someone who goes home every weekend. I love my family so much. I would do anything for them and they would do the same for me. That’s why I know that even though I’ll be moving across the country that home will always be there. My family will always be there. They will always love and I will always love them.

Friday, October 10, 2014

You're An Overcomer!!

I’ve been feeling a lot of different emotions these past few weeks.

Some days I’ll feel happy and joyful.
Some days I’ll feel nervous.
Some days I’ll feel sad and hurt.
Some days I’ll feel all of these and more.

There are days where I am able to put on a mask and act like I’m totally fine but there are some days where I can’t hide behind my mask. If I am happy, I am overwhelmingly happy. If I’m nervous, I stress out. And if I’m sad or hurt, it shows in my face. When I feel something, I feel it whole-heartedly and my emotions and feelings are an open book to the whole world.

There’s a song that I really like by Mandisa called Overcomer.
The song is about overcoming our battles in life, such as our negative feelings. It has such a positive message and it’s so upbeat that it is impossible for me to be in a bad mood after listening to this song. No matter what mood I was in before, afterwards, I always feel ready to take on whatever comes my way. If I start to get frustrated or stressed out or annoyed or any other negative feeling, I hear the words "You're an overcomer!!" in my mind and I remember to choose to be happy instead.
Check out my favorite verse and the chorus of Overcomer:

The same Man, the Great I am
The one who overcame death
He's living inside of You
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There's nothing He can't do
He's telling you

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You're not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds You
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

This reminds me that whatever I am feeling Heavenly Father won’t let me fall and that Jesus Christ truly understands what we are going through.

Today I was feeling a little hurt. Instead of holding a grudge and feeling sorry for myself, I can let it go. I can move on and be happy and supportive instead of feeling hurt and feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes it’s really hard to do this on our own but we always will have the help of our Savior. If we just pray for Him to help us to overcome these feelings, He won’t let us down.

We are overcomers.


Here's the link to Overcomer on YouTube!