We all go through trials.
Sometimes there are trials we can overcome without
much stress but sometimes there are trials that last what seems like forever.
Sometimes there are trials where you just can’t see
the light at the end of the tunnel.
I understand.
I have been going through the hardest trial of my life to date.
I
know some of you are familiar with what is going on with my sister but for
those of you who aren’t, my sister has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and
borderline personality disorder.
Long story short, my sister is suicidal.
She has been in and out of rehabilitation centers and psych wards
for over a year now. I've received several calls and texts from my sister
expressing how much she just wants to die. She doesn't see a purpose in living
sometimes. And that instantly brings me to tears.
It is my biggest fear to wake
up one morning and find out my sister committed suicide the night before.
This is my biggest trial.
I’m not good at letting
people help me.
Partly because I don’t want to seem helpless but mostly because
there really isn’t anything that anyone can do or say to make things better.
I’ve never felt more alone
and scared.
However, I’ve also never felt
the spirit more strongly than I have been able to while enduring this trial.
I know that may seem weird
but, for me, enduring this trial has helped to bring me so much closer to my
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
It’s helped me to understand
more fully the Atonement and how I can use the Atonement in my life every
single day.
It’s helped me to learn how
important my scripture studies are every single day. Without reading from my
scriptures each day, I’d be lost. I find words of comfort in whatever I am
reading and I need those words of comfort.
It’s helped to bring me to my
knees in prayer every single day. When I kneel down and talk to my Heavenly
Father, I can feel His love encircling me and I know that He is listening to me
at that very moment.
I realized this week that
there has been a theme during my scripture studies this semester: Enduring to
the end. No matter what I read each day, enduring to the end pops up either in
my studies or in my head.
Life can be hard but, it’s
all part of our journey back home to Heavenly Father. Robert D. Hales once
said, “We were
not sent by Father in Heaven just to be born. We were sent to endure and return
to Him with honor.”
Enduring to the end is NOT
easy.
It isn’t supposed to be.
To endure means to suffer
patiently.
We were meant to have
trials.
We were meant to have
temptations.
We were meant to
endure through the hard times.
Through these we tend
to rely more on our Heavenly Father to help us in whatever way He can. Jesus
Christ understands everything we are going through. He has felt all of the pain
we have felt. He has suffered everything that we have.
He has endured
everything that we have gone through and will ever go through.
He did this for us.
While sometimes our trials
seem unbearable, remember that your Father in Heaven will only give you trials
that He KNOWS you can candle.
When you feel alone and think that nobody
understands what you are going through, remember that Jesus Christ DOES.
Heavenly Father will never
give us a trial that we cannot endure.
It may seem like whatever it is you are
going through is impossible and you can’t make it through but, Heavenly Father
knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what you can and cannot
handle. If He sent a trial your way, He knows that you are strong enough to
endure it.
When trials are sent our way, we know that there is something to be
learned from them.
Perhaps sometimes what we are meant to learn is simply that
we ARE strong enough to handle whatever He sends our way.
The scripture I look to most
often for comfort is Doctrine and Covenants 84:88.
It says, “And whoso
receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be
on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and
mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”
I love this scripture so
much. It reminds me that I am never alone.
The Spirit is always with me and
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will never let me fail. Even through a trial
where sometimes I just don’t understand why I need to go through it and where
sometimes I don’t have a clue what I am supposed to learn from it, I will never
be left alone.
I have the constant companionship of the ultimate Comforter, the
Spirit and sometimes, that is all I need to make it through a hard day.
I know that our Father in
Heaven loves each of us.
He loves us so much that He sent His only son to Earth
to die for us.
I know that Jesus Christ died for each and every one of us.
I
know that He suffered in Gethsemane for me and each of you.
I know that Jesus
Christ loves me and understands the way I am feeling at all times.
I know that
enduring to the end will take patience and it will take strength.
It may be
tough but I know that I am never alone.
I am comforted daily by the presence of
the Spirit in my life and I know that the Spirit is in my heart always.
I say
these things in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
